Pain
by Sobeys
Summary: Michael's not the only one suffering from his illness. (Season 4)


A cool breeze whisked through the air, a welcome change from the heat and tension in the warehouse. Michael welcomed it, staying still as it soothed his weary body. Finally, a moment's peace after so many days of planning and running, the fear of being hunted by The Company or the constant dizzying headaches that came with having a hypothalamic hamartoma disappearing for just a few moments. It wouldn't be so bad - the headaches - if it weren't for Sara and Lincoln constantly trying to force him into treatment when he clearly had more important things to do, like take down The Company before they hurt the few people he had left in his life. He could handle dying if it meant the safety of his loved ones.

"I thought I'd find you out here," came a voice from behind him as he felt a cool hand run smoothly over his back, resting on his shoulder. Michael leaned into the embrace, finding comfort in the only woman he had ever loved. He tilted his head to look into the deep, green eyes that he knew would show traces of concern mixed with fear. That was all he'd been able to see after they'd discovered his sickness. And he hated it. He hated seeing the worry in Sara's eyes, even when she smiled or laughed. Before, they'd been able to find small moments where they could be happy, even while being surrounded by chaos, but not anymore. Now she looked at him as though he could break at any moment and she had to be there to make sure she could pick up all the pieces and put him back together. He loved her for it, but he also couldn't stand to be around her because of it. Giving her a peck on her forehead, Michael gently removed her arms from around him and stood, offering her a hand.

"We should get back to work," he said, hating that he was ridding them of one of their very limited moments of privacy. But he knew that she wanted to talk about him and his sickness and he just couldn't stand it, not right now. He almost missed when she'd been his doctor, trying to remain professional when talking to him rather than showing her concern for him. She had managed to do both back then, having trouble hiding her feelings for him, but at least back then he didn't feel like she pitied him.

"Michael," Sara took his outstretched hand but, rather than hoisting herself up, she pulled him back down. "Please sit. Just for a couple of minutes." She patted the ground next to her invitingly.

Michael sighed. "We need to find the next card and-"

"Please?"

Michael looked down at her, seeing the pleading look on her face. He was being a jerk and he knew it, shutting everyone out. But it was the only way he knew how to handle the situation. Shut everyone out so they don't have to feel as much pain if something happens to you. But looking at her, at her hand clasped in his, he realized it was too late for that. She loved him and he loved her, _God he loved her._ She was struggling with this just like he was, only she wanted him to get the treatment right away, something he knew he couldn't do.

"Sara, I know what you're about to say and I know that you want me to get treatment but I can't, not yet." Michael started, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Sara nodded slowly, trying to mask her hurt expression but he knew better. She stood, facing him."I know." Taking a deep breath, she added "And I also know that you don't want to hear me try to convince you that you need it."

Michael looked down, unable to bear the pain in her eyes any longer. "I'm sorry." he murmured.

Sara raised her hands to cup his face, making him look at her. "I know you are. But I love you and, although I know it might not make a difference, but I need to get this out of my system."

Michael stared at her for a moment before giving a small nod, placing his hands over hers.

"Michael, you could die if you don't get this surgery soon." Sara's was fighting to keep her voice level but she pressed on. "And, you know what? I don't care if you want to take down the Company. This may sound selfish but they've already taken so much from me and I can't...I can't let them take you too." Sara choked on her last words, trying so hard not to cry. She had to control herself, had to make Michael see that he needed to get this surgery, fast. If not for himself, then for her.

"Come here." he said, pulling her into his arms, wrapping them around her. "Sara-"

"Don't. Please." Sara sobbed, her body shaking as she clung to him.

"Don't what?" he asked, already having an idea of what she meant.

"Don't say that everything's going to be okay." she said, burying her head into his neck.

Michael sighed but nodded, knowing that feeding her false promises were only going to make this worse, and they both knew it. "Okay. I won't."

Sara cried into him as they clung to one another. Michael helplessly rubbed her back, trying to soothe her, knowing that he was causing her so much pain. Part of him wanted to go to the hospital right now and just get the damn surgery over with so that he could take the pain away from her. But he knew he couldn't. There were more important things to worry about and he had to prioritize. Besides, whose to say Sara or any of the others was safe while he was in surgery. He couldn't protect them if he was lying in a hospital, getting his brain poked and prodded.

"Sara." Michael gently pulled away from her enough so that she could look at him. She stared into his eyes, waiting.

"I can't go. Not yet." Michael said quietly. "I['m sorry."

Sara stared at him, seeing the stubborn set of his jaw mixed with concern for her and fought the urge to hit him. Why did he always have to be so selfless? Couldn't he just stop and think of himself one time? She released her hold on him and stepped back, taking a deep breath. He reached for her but she took another step, not wanting him to touch her, not when he was causing her so much pain. He hand dropped to his side as he looked at her with a hurt expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, Sara."

She shook her head, wrapping her arms against her torso as if to protect herself from him. Wordlessly, she turned around, walking back to the warehouse, back to her boat - the only place where she could be alone.

"Sara?"

She stopped but didn't turn around.

"Sara, please look at me."

Closing her eyes for a moment, Sara steeled herself before turning around to face the man she loved, the man she might lose.

He took a tentative step closer to her and this time she didn't step away from him. He took another and he was standing right in front of her.

"I know that I'm hurting you by not going for surgery," Michael said, sighing. "And I know that you think I'm being stupid for putting Scylla before my health. But Sara, this is something I need to do."

"Michael-"

"Please let me finish." Michael said gently. Sara nodded slowly, letting him proceed.

"I know that you might not agree with my choices but I'm just asking that you respect them. I can't do this without you. I need you to be there, by my side because I can't handle this by myself."

Sara nodded, tears sliding down her cheeks as she stared into his eyes.

"And I need you to know...I need you to know that no matter what happens, I love you. More than I thought possible. I love you, Sara."

Sara took a deep breath, placing her head in her hands. "Damn it, Michael," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. She looked at him with so much pain, so much anguish that he almost had to turn away. But there was something that stopped him. The love in her eyes overpowered every other emotion that he knew she must have been feeling and he gently cradled her face in his hands, kissing her lips. She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his waist. Maybe things wouldn't be okay, maybe things would be the furthest thing from okay. But here, in this moment, Michael and Sara made themselves believe that things would end up alright. Because, without hope, there's nothing. You just have to have a little faith.


End file.
